Max on lunch?

Me to Max: "Hey, how 'bout we go to Quizno's for lunch?" Max: "Eww..I don't like kids' noses...they have boogers."

Max & the Babysitter:

When we came home from our date night tonight, Max insisted on "writing" a note to their babysitter (a 6th grade girl)--"Is she your friend?" I asked. Max: "No." Me: "No? You don't like her?" Max: "No. I love her."

Max on Church:

"I love Jesus but I don't like going to church...you have to wait so long before you can get donuts."

Max on monsters:

At bedtime last night, his brother and roommate was not there and so he was afraid to be alone. Max asked, "Mom, are monsters real?"
Me: "No, they're not. Um, but y'know there are wild animals like in the jungle or there can be bad people."
Max: "Like dogcatchers?"

Um, what are you feeding this kid??

The running commentary on the way home from preschool (where Max got plastic Easter eggs filled with jelly beans):

Opening up an egg carefully: "Nice and easy, boys. Nice and easy."

"Mom, the purple ones taste like strawberries, yeah. And the pink ones taste like M & M's. Oh, and the black ones taste like Starbucks! The blue ones taste like beer, yeah."

Jelly Belly Co.-- We've got some new flavors for ya!

1st Grade Grammar:

A conversation between my friend and her 1st grade daughter:
Mama: "Why are you bringing your Angel Reader to school?"

Lainie:  "Because we are studying contraptions at school and this book has them."

Mama: "What? There are contraptions in your book?"

Lainie: "Yup, you know: 'it's, don't, can't' -- CON-TRAP-TIONS!"

Independent Max:

T-shirt in hand, Max jumped on the bed waking me up this morning. "I'm going to put this on all by myself!" Serious pause: "Oh, I hope this works!"